My Little Flower

It's springtime.  Everything is in bloom and so is this little flower of mine.  Not a toddler any longer but more like a little lady. At times I can't help but feel sad watching her grow.  The other day she asked about sleeping over at grandma's and I just can't get myself to say yes.  In my mind she's still my baby.  I have to be there if she wakes up looking for me in the middle of the night! 

She is blooming very well too which makes me a very proud mom. Her passion for art has filled our walls  with beautiful drawings and my desk with kind notes.  There are days that we run out of energy keeping up with her, but we try to soak it all up and savor each moment.  Also, I try to take big bites of her baby cheeks while I can.

Day One

The little one started preschool on Tuesday.  At three and a half, she is ready.  In fact she was very excited.

The first day, my husband and I brought her to school a 8 o'clock.  I have planned to take a picture of her in front of the school but she ran straight to the classroom.  And once inside I could not make her pose for the camera.  She was so happy and very very excited.  We lingered around a little bit to see how she is all taking it and then made our exit.  She was brave. Not a tear was shed (well except the ones by me).  Like how I read in books I said my goodbyes casually.  She must have misunderstood and replied, "but mommy, I wan't to stay here!"-- to which I responded that she is staying but I have to leave. She smiled at me, gave me a kiss and a hug, as if she's assuring me that it's going to be okay.

I left the school teary eyed and with so many thoughts running through my head. It all felt like back when she was born, being overwhelmed by the responsibility of taking care and raising a child. I had to remind myself that this is just preschool and what's important right now is that she is happy and gets to play with other children.  Still I couldn't help but think. And why not? She is in her formative years.  "Early lessons have lasting impact", they say. I pondered on what I wanted her to learn - letters and numbers, how to write and read.  Awhile back I mentioned that I want Sophia to indulge more in play than academics in her early years.  However, some days I find myself worrying that she has not learned how to read yet.  Pardon me but I blame the existence of Facebook that now it is easier than ever for parents to brag about how smart their kids are. Maybe it's just me but I do feel the pressure!  I am proud though that she can spell her name right and can write it down, even if it is crooked.

Still I believe that while academics are important, at this age I want more for her to learn how to make friends and interact with others, how to be independent, how to think, how to behave properly, how to pray.  We picked our church's preschool for a reason- because their philosophy aligns with our family values.  The fee and the hours does not fit well into our budget and schedule but we are willing to do the sacrifice we need to do to make it work. As I left the school parking I felt at peace with our decision of sending her there.

At the end of the day, I was excited to pick her up and eager for her stories on how her day went.  She didn't want to leave the school but at the same time she was delighted to see me when I walked in. She had so much fun, she even gave me a tour of the classroom before we left.  However she was a little disappointed that they spelled her name wrong. She couldn't stop talking about it.  {Thankfully it was fixed the next day.}

And then comes her story, "Mommy, there's this boy sitting behind me. He said I have cute shoes!"

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Slow down, sweetheart. Not too fast.  No boys until you are 30, okay?  

mother's day (a week after)

I'll call him Mr. Bear.  A guy I work with.

He is generally a nice guy but last week we had this brief conversation about Mother's day.

Mr Bear : What are you doing for Mother's Day?

Me: I don't know, I have no idea.  Maybe just the usual.

Mr. Bear : Well you know you really don't get celebrated on Mother's day until your Mom and Mother-in-law are gone. Right?

Me: ...... (that's not right, I thought)

Obviously, he is one of those guys who doesn't know how Mother's day is supposed to go.  By those guys I mean men who tell their wives, "but you're not my Mother ...".   Whether it is said to me or to another wife that statement just irks me.  That's just wrong.  It's like a stab in the heart.  Nothing hurts a woman more than being unvalued by those she loves the most.  Sadly some mothers just let Mother's Day go by,  year after year, without receiving the accolades they deserve,  because after all it is with an unselfish love that they nurture and care for their family.

You see Mother's Day is kind of a big deal to us.  Is it too much to ask to make it just a bit special?

Five things:

1.  We are not trying to take the spotlight away from your own mother.  Simply put, we gave birth to your child/children who is the love of your life and make/s your life complete.  We deserve to be honored as much us the woman who gave you birth. 

2.  Even though we do what we do out of love, it is nice to be shown appreciation for  the work we do and the sacrifices we make.  Hugs and kisses are valuable but do a little bit of legwork and go buy something even if it is just a cheap bouquet of flowers.  It adds a nice touch.  Often times we find ourselves wondering if what we do is good enough.  Make us feel that even though we are not perfect somehow we are doing things right.

3. Make every day Mother's Day but make Mother's day stand out from ordinary days.  We don't expect to get thank yous everyday for every work  we do but on that one day of the year it means to us to be recognized and feel special.

4. Make Mother's day a time to teach your child/children how to give gratitude to the woman who takes care of them.  Make the effort to help them pick out a card or a gift.  Teach them that a good wife and mother is to be treasured.  It will someday inspire your daughter to be like one and it will teach your son admiration for the right kind of women.

5. If you think that Mother's Day has become highly commercialized, skip the gift.  There are plenty of other ways beside gifts.  Make it a day of sentiments,  give her the day to rest, make dinner for her even if it's just hotdogs.  In reality it is not the gift, it's the thought.

And now to my Mommy.... I LOVE YOU!

I am sorry I didn't get to make most Mother's Day special for you.  I am sorry that it is only now that I am older and mothering my own child that I came to appreciate your hard works and the sacrifices you made for me growing up.  I could not possibly make up for the lost times but I promise that I will do my best to catch up as much as I can.   I am a better wife and mother because of your example.  Thank you.

The Preschool

We have officially registered Sophia for preschool. 

What a relief!  I have been stressed out for days thinking and trying to figure out where she should go.  It was tough. 

It's either we can't afford it, it does not work with our schedules, or too far from where we live/work.  We know we needed  to compromise one or another.

We finally settled at The Preschool which our parish church started last year.  It is pricey but we decided to go ahead and bite the bullet.  Sophia has been longing to go there since we went to the open house they had last year.  At the time we decided to put off preschool for one more year because it is expensive and she was only two and a half years old, and too young to be schooled.

   

But she has been telling us, "That's my school!" every time we pass it on our way to church on Sundays.  And she said it with conviction! 

I must admit, I felt my heart ache every time she looks through the school gate and checks out the kids' arts & crafts posted on the walls.  It made me feel sad that we may not be able to afford to send her there.

We had a few other preschool choices but we felt The Preschool is what felt right.  It is close to home.

We know the people there.  The place is familiar to Sophia.  We know the director.  We see some of the kids that goes there at church.  

That it is far from both mine and my husband's job is the only issue we have.

Thankfully The Preschool was considerate of my long commute and will not charge us extra for after school care since we only need a few additional minutes before Sophia can be picked up.  That sealed the deal.  We just cannot afford to pay more on top of the tuition.  The tuition alone is expensive for us.

I'm still afraid on the dollar equivalent of this decision but I feel at peace.  God is good and He will provide.  I prayed for guidance in this decision and I have faith this is what He wills.

So Sophia begins preschool September 4th.  My little preschooler is excited and is looking forward to doing some "projects."

I love our little girl's optimism!

I need to have faith like hers and claim, "that's my ____!"

Meanwhile, hubby and I need to get our acts together and start learning how to manage our finances better.  We are cutting back on food - where we spend most.  We are a family of three and we spend about $800 a month on groceries.   That's too much I think.  That does not include my husband's daily lunch.  He eats out, which adds up and can get expensive.  

Also with our schedule, I would need to cook easier and quick meals during the week.  And this is where I will need Rachael Ray's help :)

This next recipe will definitely be added to the dinner rotation. It's a quick and impressive meal that I can whip up in 30 minutes or so. And although chicken breasts is my arch nemesis, this one is an exemption because it has great flavors and it isn't dry.

Goat Cheese Stuffed Chicken

ingredients

2 boneless, butterflied, skin-on chicken breasts

goat cheese, about 4 oz

arugula, about 1-1.5 cups

2 garlic cloves, sliced or chopped

3 sage leaves or other herbs such as rosemary, chopped

lemon

salt

freshly ground black pepper

Preheat oven to 450°F

Heat 1 tablespoon olive oil in saute pan.

Add garlic and cook until it starts to smell (before it browns).

Add arugula, salt, pepper, a squirt of lemon and saute quickly about a minute until arugula is slightly wilted.  Set aside and when cool enough chop arugula and garlic.

Make stuffing. 

Mash softened, pliable goat cheese with a spoon.

Add chopped sage, arugula & garlic then mix.

Add lemon zest & a squirt of the juice

Add salt & pepper and mix well.

Taste and check for seasoning

Stuff the chicken.

Sprinkle salt and pepper on the inner side of the chicken then  add a spoonful of the stuffing.  Seal chicken using a twine or bamboo skewers.  Sprinkle salt and pepper on the chicken.

Cook stuffed chicken.

Heat 2 tablespoons olive oil in a heavy bottomed skillet (I use a cast iron).

Brown stuffed chicken about 1-2 minutes on each side then transfer in the oven and cook for about 15-20 minutes, flipping chicken halfway through.  Chicken is cooked when meat thermometer registers 155°F.  Set aside and let meat rest for about 5 minutes before slicing.

Make gravy (optional)

transfer skillet to stovetop and remove some of the fat if it is too much.

Mix 1 tablespoon flour and 1/2 cup chicken broth (and 1/4 cup apple cider or juice, if available). Pour mixture to pan and cook, stirring for 2-3 minutes until thickened.  

Serve sliced chicken with gravy.

Carpe Diem

"The days are long, the years are short."  Someone wise said this, I am not sure who, about parenthood.  I ought to remind myself that.  Everyday.  Even now that things seem a little more under control.

This is Sophia when she was 7 months old.

I don't remember much from that time but I keep a stack of photos that give me a glimmer of it.  My husband often criticize me for taking more pictures than necessary instead of enjoying the moment.  Well Honey, this is why I do it- to capture the memories.  It's for my heart.

I remember when Sophia was an infant that I often got overwhelmed juggling work and caring for a young child.  I would cry to my husband and he would remind me, "but this {having a child}, you said, is what you dreamed of..."  I just felt like smacking him in the head!  Then I would laugh through my tears because he is right.  But why, why does it have to be so much work?  Between the sleepless nights, diaper changes and the constant breast feeding, days did feel like eternity.


Then poof! 


This is her now.  

It seems like it was only yesterday when she first said dada.  Now she goes on talking jags using more and more words like humongous and scrumptious.  Sometimes at the dinner table we forget to include her in our conversation then she'd ask, "what are you guys talking about?"  The other night we were talking about how at her one year old check up, the substitute pediatrician told us she wasn't saying as much words as she should.  My husband joked - that doctor should go on a car ride with Sophia now.  We both laughed.  Sophia, listening to the whole conversation then said, "Are you making fun of me?  If I don't talk I get a stomach ache." ..... We laughed our hearts out.

I like it when older parents tell me to carpe diem.  "It goes by so fast, enjoy it."  At times it seems like there is a twinge of regret mixed with it.  In fact, when I said those words to a couple of friends with kids younger than mine, there was a feeling of I should have enjoyed it more along with it.  Sophia is only three but I feel age 0-3 went by as quick as a blink of an eye that I didn't get to enjoy those years to my satisfaction.  There is a little bit of a guilt there.  And I bet many working mothers (and fathers) feel the same way.

I will not however dwell on the times I missed out on, but rather I will try to enjoy the present. To carpe diem is what I'll do.  Now is so much fun.  I mean, just look at this!

Our child literally made us stop what we were doing, and had us sit on the sofa to watch her sing and dance.   I need to savor times like these. And without being asked to do so, I should make more time to just watch   and be mesmerized by this beautiful sweet little person we have been blessed with. Even though there are other things to worry about, I need to be more present in the few hours that I get to spend with her - listening intently as she speaks, teaching her and learning from her at the same time.  I need to stay focused in the moment  instead of being lost in my own thoughts.

When I am an old lady and Sophia is all grown up and moves out of the house, I want to be able to let her go without regrets.  I want to be the proud parent with a deep sense of satisfaction that I was able to spend many meaningful times with my daughter.

Lately this kale chips is what we have been enjoying together.

I have been making these kale chips to serve as appetizer in the evenings.  Sophia loves it!  She eats them like she eats roasted seaweeds.  And the best part is that it is so easy to make.  You simply toss them in olive oil and sea salt, then roast them in the oven for a good 12 minutes at 325°F.  I like to buy the packaged kale at Trader Joes because they are prewashed.  I don't need to rinse and dry them.  Drying the leaves is quite a bit of work and it is important that the leaves are dry before they go into the oven.

You will see a bunch of different ways to make kale chips online but I keep mine simple for now.  They are good with just EVOO and sea salt, but you can also add other things like, vinegar, garlic, cumin, etc. if you are feeling fancy.

Roasted Kale Chips

1 bunch kale (lacinato or dinosaur kale) or use the prewashed bag of kale from Trader Joes
1-2 tablespoon olive oil
sea salt to taste

Preheat oven to 325°F.  Wash and dry kale.  Dry it well using paper towels.  Cut off the ribs/stems then tear leaves into large pieces.  

Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper or aluminum foil (for easier clean up).

Pour a good amount of olive oil in your hands then toss the leaves with your greased hands. Arrange leaves in a single layer on the baking sheet then sprinkle with salt.  You only need a little bit of salt.  You can add more  after it's cooked it you think it is not salty enough.

Roast kale in the oven for about 12 minutes.  Ovens are not the same so check the kale on the 10 minutes mark.  If it is not crisp enough at 10 minutes, keep cooking making sure to check every 2 minutes or so.

Remove from oven and let it cool a bit.  Then eat it.  Eat it all in one sitting.

Ratatouille

I have been trying to train Sophia to sleep by herself.  I know.  It's a little late for that.  By the books I should have trained her to sleep by herself at 3 months old.  What was that called again? Ah, the cry it out method.  The thing is I never had the heart to do it.  And I never understood why in this country parents are so much in a hurry to separate with their newborns.  Not sleep training Sophia early on caused many sleepless nights for me but looking back, I don't regret those precious short moments when we cuddled and fell asleep together.  It was a nice treat after a long day of being apart.  It was the only chance I had to bond with her, and smell her sweet tiny head and baby breath.   I didn’t sleep the whole night next to her but those brief moments somehow made up for the lost times during the day.

So it does not surprise me that unlike most kids Sophia never dragged around a faded blanket or lovey.  Nor did she ever sucked on her thumb or a pacifier to soothe herself to sleep.  I was her lovey.   It was my presence that soothed her to sleep.  It was me that made her feel secured and comfy....  Let me just dwell on that thought for a minute.  Sigh.

But my little love bug is growing.  And I think the time has come for my darling to sleep on her own.   At first she refused saying, "Sleep next to me Mommy, I can't sleep without you."  That plea melted my heart  and made me want to give in.  But I realized I had to be firm.  Then the other night for the first time ever she wanted a lovey next to her.  She picked her favorite doll, the one which she refers to as baby sister.

Last night was the third night she fell asleep without me beside her.  I must admit, this new independence is harder for me than it is for her.

Ok, I'm getting teary eyed so let's move on to the next recipe...

Outside of the Filipino vegetable dishes I grew up eating, ratatouille is one of my new favorites.  I think it's because the flavor is sort of reminiscent to my all time favorite dish pinakbet.  I love the combination of eggplant, tomatoes and onions stewed together.  And this dish has the nice addition of sausage to make it into a complete meal.  

Ratatouille and Sausage

Olive oil
1 medium chopped onion, roughly chopped
1 teaspoon chopped garlic
3 medium sized zucchini, cut into 1/2-inch dice
1 small eggplant, unpeeled, cut into 1/2-inch dice
1 red bell pepper, cut into 1/2-inch dice
1/2 green bell pepper, cut into 1/2-inch dice
1 14oz can diced tomatoes
1/8 teaspoon red pepper flakes
kosher or sea salt
freshly ground black pepper
1 pound sweet Italian sausage
2 teaspoon chopped fresh thyme (or 1 teaspoon dried)
1 teaspoon chopped fresh rosemary (or 1/2 teaspoon dried)

Preheat oven to 400°F.

Heat a large oven-proof pan or dutch oven over medium-high heat.  Add 1 tablespoon olive oil.  When oil is hot, brown Italian Sausage on all sides.  Remove sausage and set aside.

Lower heat and in the same pan sauté onions until they begin to soften. Add garlic and continue to cook.

While the onions and garlic are cooking in low heat, heat 2 tablespoons in another skillet over high heat. When the pan gets hot, add zucchini and lightly brown.  Remove browned zucchini and add to the pan with the onions.  This step of browning the vegetables gives the dish more depth of flavor as opposed to just adding them straight without browning.

Repeat the browning process one at a time for the bell peppers, then the eggplant, adding the browned vegetables to the pan with the onions.  Add more olive oil as necessary but make sure not to add too much.  You only need a little so the vegetables do not stick to the pan.

Add the tomatoes with their juice to the vegetables.  Season with about 1-2 teaspoon salt and 1/4 teaspoon black pepper.

Add red pepper flakes and herbs and 1/4 cup of water.  Bring to a boil then place the sausages on top.

Transfer to the oven and cook, uncovered for 30 to 40 minutes.

A perfect side for this dish is a simple garlic parmesan bread-- cut a clove of garlic and rub it on slices of Italian bread.  Brush bread with olive oil and place in oven for 8 minutes. Remove bread from oven and sprinkle with parmesan cheese.  Return to oven and cook for 3 more minutes or until cheese melts.

My First Dream

I blinked and came the new year.

I blinked again and it's February!  Time, why do you sneak up on me? 

Meanwhile, nothing much has changed around here. Not much accomplishments since the beginning of the year... or the last ten years it seems.

What the heck did I do with my time?

I look at my daughter and think, where has my baby girl gone?  Really, nothing can make you more aware of how quick time flies than a growing child.

Then I started wondering at where I'm at now in my 37 years of  life.   My initial thoughts were--  how much money do I make?  How much stuff do I own? 

The assessment made me sad.  Career wise I felt such a loser.  Then a more profound question crossed my mind... "where you are in life, are you happy?"

My answer was clear.  Heck yeah!

Now going back to the previous question of what I did with my time,  my answer is that I have spent my time tending to my family.  Below is a photo of my husband and the little girl we have been nurturing  in the past three years.

Parenthood is no joke.  It takes a lot of hard work and sacrifice but it also is the most rewarding investment of all. There are small accomplishments in each day, like when you get to feed your child vegetables without bribing them with ice cream afterwards. Or when they finally use the potty for #2 after many months of potty training! Ok, that last one is actually a big accomplishment.  {At least for me it is.}

What I am saying is that having a family sometimes make our professional dreams take a back seat.  It's a tough trade off for parents.  In reality though it means we are prioritizing the dream that make up who we are.  It would be a lie for me to say I didn't dream of becoming the most successful among my peers.  I wished to own the biggest house, the fanciest car, and to travel the whole world.  But if I were to really examine my heart, my first dream was to be loved. To be happy.  To journey through life with the comfort and joy that comes from family. 

That said, I see no time wasted.  I simply lived my ultimate dream.

As part of this 'tending to my family' thingy I have been cooking a lot.  I have been researching and doing trial and error on many recipes online.  I want to build my repertoire of meals I can quickly prepare.  I want to add to my rotation of dishes so we don't get easily bored.  I had a couple of flops this week which I definitely won't bother to post here.  But this recipe that follows is a keeper.  Husband loved it.  Daughter liked it (and it's a vegetable!).  We all win.

Sesame Snow Peas & Mushroom

ingredients
8 oz cremini mushrooms, sliced
1 lb snow peas, trimmed
1 tablespoon dark sesame oil
1 tablespoon roasted sesame seeds
1 teaspoon canola or grape seed oil
2 cloves of garlic, chopped
kosher or sea salt
freshly ground black pepper

Blanch snow peas.  Bring a large pot of salted water into a boil.  Add snow peas and cook for 1 1/2 minutes.  Drain and set aside. (You don' need to do this really but  like mine to cook uniformly. If you skip this step just make sure you saute it longer later).

Heat a large skillet over medium heat.  Add the mushroom.  Dry saute the mushroom, just on their own, no oil or other liquid with it.  Stir often, it will squeak, then it will release its  juices.

Keep cooking, then when it has softened, add 1 teaspoon canola and add in the garlic.  Cook for one minute then add the the snow peas into the pan.  Cook for one more minute or until done to your liking.  I like mine crisp-tender and bright green.

Remove from heat. Add the sesame seeds, sesame oil, salt and pepper to taste. Toss and serve.

True Mother

‎"When I was a young girl in Albania, I would walk with my mother, who would say to me, 'My little girl, always be guided by Our Lady, who is your true mother. Try to always have her hold your hand the way I am holding your hand now.' From that time on, I understood that my real mother is Our Lady." - Mother Teresa

Happy Birthday my Sweetheart!

It's my little girl's birthday today.  We are not having a party for her but we are taking her to the Happiest Place on Earth.  But before that, she woke up to this -- a yogabba gabba themed birthday cake and Mickey & Minnie mouse balloons!

Ok, so I cheated on the cake.  I have no clue on how to bake a cake but I was able to pull it off by picking up a strawberry mousse cake from Ralph's bakery and then decorating the cake with sprinkles and yogabba gabba toppers.  Well actually these are bath squirters, ha!  Nevertheless, my child was super happy with it and that's all that matters.

What to Expect When You're Expecting

A few days before my mentrual cycle I had a slight suspicion that I might be pregnant. Usually I have my period on the dot and know all the signs leading to it. This month though I did not feel any of the premenstrual signs, and in addition I had the feeling of being hungry all the time. FIve days after, as my suspicions grew I decided to buy a home pregnancy kit and true enough in bright blue ink the "+" sign showed. DH and I were both happy although we thought we can't really get excited until a doctor confirms it. I did not have an Obgyn so I had to look one up from my health insurance website.  On April 15th I had my first prenatal test and confirmed that I am indeed pregnant.. 6 weeks and 2 days! The doctor calculated I'd be due on December 7th :)

On the same day I also started the much dreaded morning sickness. Every smell seems to make me nauseous specially the smell of food which in turn made me lose my appetite on almost everything. Therefore I'll stop blogging for now until I get over this stage ... hopefully soon!